Stupid Criminal: Someone Vandalized a House, with Pepperoni

These days it’s harder to find things to vandalize people’s property with, because toilet paper, eggs, EVERYTHING costs more.  Especially meat.

A woman in New Jersey recently had her home “vandalized”, with pepperoni.  There were large chunks by her doorstep, and strewn around the porch.  More pieces were “strategically placed down the stairs”, and then there were four slices on the hood of her car, and four more on the trunk.

She has no idea who did it, or why.  So she reported it to the police.

There wasn’t any real damage, but she’s worried about it happening again, because someone was trespassing, and if they come with pepperoni again, the meat could damage the paint on her car.

It’s also not 100% clear if it’s pepperoni.  A local pizzeria owner says it looks like some kind of salami, “in the family of pepperoni.”  And he added, “As an Italian, [seeing this] hurts the heart.”  (???)

Still, the woman is calling the perps the “pepperoni bandits.”  The police are investigating.